I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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