is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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