If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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