I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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