You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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