I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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