i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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