Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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