the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize