I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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