It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
