Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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