Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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