Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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