She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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