how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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