She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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