I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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