I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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