fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
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how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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