CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize