She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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