If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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