apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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