Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
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I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize