I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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