I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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