I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
PANTIES FOUND
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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