____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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