Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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