I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize