I think my fart just growled at me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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