My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize