i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize