he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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