At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize