Acid is not a monday night drug
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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