let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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