So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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