i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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