Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize