puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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