Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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