I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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