I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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