I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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