So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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