At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Never underestimate the power of titties
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize