Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize