I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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