I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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