Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I die, sorry about rent.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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