my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize