TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize